Steroids in baseball is all the rage these days. And, on the whole, creating all sorts of rage. But, unfortunately, not exciting on-field ‘roid rage. Instead, “fan” rage. And if you really want to get your finger on the pulse of this elitist fan retardation, you need to read online comments.

There was a refreshing opinion piece on nytimes.com today entitled “Is Manny Ramirez Really All That Bad?” You should read it yourself, but I will recap a little. The focus was on the fact that technology plays an important role in athletes’ physique and abilities. So why should we consider a little doping to be the equivalent of crucifying Christ himself? Cyclists train in wind tunnels, there are computer simulations, high-tech footwear as well as other equipment and, best of all, Tiger Woods paid for surgery that gave him 20/15 vision. Those are all OK by society’s standards, but a little bit of extra testosterone is disgusting? It was decently thought out and a pretty well put together argument by author Randy Cohen.

Then you read the internet’s open mic for douche bags, the comment section. Just like so many self-righteous talking heads, many commenters blindly defend the “integrity” of the game, they whine about cheating and there was even an accusation that getting needled in the buttocks by your trainer is the equivalent to theft.

First of all, let’s just make this clear: these guys get paid to hit a ball. Wait, let me rephrase that: these guys get paid ridiculous sums of money to hit a ball. And fans pay equally ridiculous sums of money to wear their jerseys, to sit in the stands, to get an autograph. These are not quantum physicists, brain surgeons or even coal miners. They’re cheating is not the equivalent of scientists hiding bad pharmaceutical test results and causing future patients to die. Or an architect cutting costs, despite the knowledge that it will threaten the building’s stability. These guys stand in a field while a million eyes watch them and they try to hit a ball.

Your cheating argument is fine, but let’s not blow this issue out of proportion. I think Barry Bonds deserves an asterisk after his name. Maybe Manny should be eliminated from Hall of Fame contention. Then again, he is the man for which the adage “Manny being Manny” was created, so it is possible to assume he just juiced once for a lark so he could get an extended vacation in the middle of the season.

As for these fanatics who flip out at the idea of an impure athlete, how pure are they? Whether they are a beer guzzling, Laz-E-Boy type or still fit as in their prime, how many of them have never taken some drugs or cheated a little at their job or said an unforgivable word or had a 42 year-old woman accuse them of throwing her on a bed at the Ritz-Carlton in Pentagon City, VA, biting her on the back 15 times, sodomizing her, and forcing her to perform oral sex on him? Glass houses, baby.

You have a problem with performance enhancing drugs? Well then I assume you hate Hendrix and The Who. You would have preferred The Beatles stuck with the “Do You Want To Know A Secret” route. I am sure you despise Dazed and Confused or any Dave Chapelle film. Or many other creative works dated past the 1960s.

And while we’re on the subject of performance enhancing drugs, Mr. Critic, why don’t we discuss your collection of Viagra? I would say that lasting up to four hours is a better performance than you ever gave in your prime.

Ms. California got a performance enhancing boob job paid for by the Miss California Pageant, so her crown should disappear like her top did on that darn windy day. And let’s not watch any actors who get any sort of cosmetic surgery to pretty them up for a few more years, because not all actors can afford that, therefore it is not a level playing field.

OK, comparing ill gotten biceps to gravity defying knockers is a little unfair. But both have an equal amount of impact on my life. Which is less than and not equal to, say, the economy.

One commenter had the stones (most likely in his brains, not in his pants) to say that baseball should have a one strike an your out policy because that’s what bankers who cook the books get. Are you effin’ kidding me?!?! Do you read any articles outside of the sports pages, jackass?

And this is where the problem lies for me. Yes, in a sport like football, steroid abuse could have a much more dangerous effect than in a sport like golf and it shouldn’t be tolerated. Steroids can lead to other drug abuses. Of course we should never promote it because I don’t want to see Little Leaguers sneaking HGH like they do with the chew and becoming mutant ogres when they get older. But, as commenter “ron” says: it seems like more people care about drugs in baseball then the torture of detainees in US custody.

You can eliminate steroids and HGH and something else is destined to come along. And athletes will continue to do them because they have little planned outside of sports, not all can become analysts and, did you know, that on average it takes 2 years for NFL players and 5 years for NBA players to go broke in retirement and I don’t think the prospects are better for other athletes. Even big stars. In other words, athletes are fucked anyway.

So before we worry about who is juiced and who is not, why don’t we get athletes, and everyone else for that matter, a little Economics 101 help today. Because you’ll still be a season ticket holder tomorrow.

Thanks to all your integrity.