You have a business, a brand, a message. You want to get this message out there to as many people as possible. And I have a very hairy chest.
Wait. What?! How do those two things go together? Let me tell you!
It is hard to successfully market a product these days. A generation of kids who don’t even notice side bar ads. People are complacent to buses painted in a gigantic advertising ploy. You need to be fresh and original and have people say “holy fuck” in order to get your message out there. With beach season upon us, what better way to do that then with your logo shaved into my chest hair?
It seems kooky, right? But what is going to make more sheeple think about Big Macs? An old and tired billboard effort or some goofball parading up and down in front of all the beautiful beach people with the Golden Arches shaved into his chest hair?
“Honey, is that… is that a guy with the McDonald’s logo shaved into his chest hair?”
“WTF?! It is!”
“Well isn’t that a strange site. Maybe we’re both high. That would explain it. I don’t remember smoking pot this morning. But now I have the munchies and a dollar. Doesn’t McDonald’s have a dollar menu?”
BAM!! Instant sales!
Sure, this seems like a marketing campaign fashioned for Nair, but I believe it can work for any company. Act now, and I can do this one time and one time only for just YOUR COMPANY!
That’s right. For the largest amount of money I will be loyal to your company. Add a little more to that pile of bullions and I will video tape it and turn it viral for you. I can be your Isaiah Mustafa (sans beauty and cut torso)!
When the viral video works out, you have your very own Can You Hear Me Now Guy and we can tour the country, we can make commercials, we can even do a sex tape. All with your logo cut into my chest hair.
Hell, I am so desperate for money at this point, I would even become the Apple Chest Hair Goofball. So, Steve Jobs, when you decide to get over that whole “sleek and sexy” product look, you contact me. Because this shit could be magical.
