It has been an extended period of unemployment for me now. A truly unfortunate amount of time, especially from the landlord’s perspective. In desperation I have spent a lot of time filling out applications online for anyone who will take them.
Prior to this evening, there was one question that always stumped me. Most box stores have a series of questions that you can rate from “strongly agree” to “strongly disagree.” Generally they are along the lines of “I am always punctual when I have some place to be” or “I often get angry with coworkers for their inability to do a goddamn simple task like straightening shelves because they are fatally flawed Neanderthals.” Run of the mill hourly worker personality test. Until you come across this:
“It angers me when guilty criminals get set free on technicalities.”
This is some left field, mind breaking shit. You are cruising along, clicking all the answers The Man wants to read when you come across Bill O’Reilly’s sneak attack pop quiz. Unlike any previous or following question, it appears in the questionnaires of many major companies. Possibly thrown in to make sure you were paying attention, it was the marker for the excrutiating idiocy of online applications. Until this evening.
When I decided to fill out a Starbucks application.
I sure hope Starbucks paid Timothy Leary good money to come up with this brain busting test. Because he earned them the WTF, Shitball Nutty Employer award.
Are we playing One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other with only two choices?! I can be motivated or I can be interesting, but I can’t be both?!
Being a coffee shop, instinct would tell me to pick out all the freebird, arty choices. But Starbucks has a strict no visible tattoos, piercings or dignity policy.
So which am I, punctual or graceful? I just don’t fucking know.
Whichever gets me a paycheck, I guess.
